I am come from the other desert, the drought of what seems a million years, in truth a total of fifteen dry and dusty months. It has been get-down gritty time, working against something immovable, not quite visible. Confusing. Worse: I know I’ve been here before and how hard it is to work myself to the better place.
What the hell am I thinking of, letting me get down like that?? Not thinking: scared, helpless again. Honey, I’m just not a kid anymore. I am woman! But where is my roar?
I mean, piece by piece, time after time I have patched myself over, around and under until l once again poke through the grit, the disappointments and find that it is only me, after all, who knows, and I always wonder how it happened. One might think I could get me a clue.
Depression: Easy path to slide down; a hekka climb out. Actually it’s the turn-around at the bottom of the pit that is hard: once movement is made the climb out is not so daunting. I Promise You!
What’s the name of that crater near Phoenix where the meteor hit? Oh yeah Meteor Crater. It’s pretty interesting, I should have climbed down it when I was there. Link: http://www.meteorcrater.com/
Both ways the depression starts and ends with mini-movement. Vigilence is important. Never give into the lie: “Oh, yeah, I’m not real thrilled with the way it turned out, but, (bla bla bla.) That’s life. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. So whatcha gonna do?” Oh oh. Slide down the hill, that’s what.
Maybe I’ll take a nap. Get some energy. Maybe I’ll have a glass of juice. With vodka in it. Nah, I’ll be sorry. That’s old crap. I’ll take a walk. With the dog. In the freezing cold. Not likely. Yes you will: you have leg-warmers left over from 1980, remember? Put ‘em on and get out in the cold.
But I’m tired now and hungry
You’ve picked up a few pounds this year. A walk would be better. Say, how about let’s do something for you? Go get your flu shot! It can be your baby-step out from under the blanket you’ve lived in for OVER A YEAR NOW. You are in your 13th month you know. If it was a pregnancy you’d be nursing a four-month old.
I can’t argue that. And the chiropractor seems to have worked miracles with me! How easy it is to not count your blessings! Oh but: he costs an arm and a leg! Yeah, and the alternative is to sit on the money and bitch for the rest of my life?
You already know how much better you are by getting rid of the money and walking again (even running a few paces here and there, didn’t you!)
You are right, you always are. I’ve made some small steps: so I’ll get that mammo done and the pap too: get myself back on track! I’ll start editing the manuscript. Maybe I’ll re-lose last year’s weight.
Maybe I’m channeling Dolly Parton.